GREEN BAY, Wis. — In 1991, Esera Tuaolo held a well-kept secret.
"I needed to sort of hide myself even further, and go back deeper into the closet," Esera Tuaolo says.
The Packers took the defensive lineman 35th overall in the 2nd round that season.
"You know Lance, I just focused on the moment and the present. I knew if I did well in the moment, everything else would fall in place," Tuaolo says.
And started all 16 games in his rookie year, even sacking Randall Cunningham in his first game.
Yet he says he couldn't enjoy it.
"Instead of being happy and excited, I blacked out, because I heard my name echo through the stadium," Tuaolo says. "And all I was thinking about was somebody was going to out me and all of this would just go away because I was living this double life. I needed to sort of hold my tongue, walking to the locker rooms and transform myself into somebody I wasn't, a straight man. There were bounties out there, right? Against players and stuff. I mean how much would it be for the gay player, right? Back in those days to take him out."
One of his favorite memories on the field was a non-playing moment. Singing the national anthem.
Lance Allan asks, "What was it like to show that side of yourself?"
"People were thinking, 'Were you like so worried and stuff and nervous?' I said yes, I was absolutely nervous. But, I said I wasn't nervous about singing. I was nervous because my idol Mike Singletary, we were playing the Bears at that game, was watching me," Tuaolo says.
Tuaolo only lasted two years in Green Bay.
Lance Allan asks, "Why did you decide, for most of the rest of the '90s, to go to the dark side and go to Minnesota?"
"Well, if we really want to be honest. You know, and I don't think this story has been told," Tuaolo says. "But after my rookie year, I went down with Brett Favre and we went down to his hometown and we got arrested."
He spent nine years in the NFL. But his post-Super Bowl loss with the Falcons came with another emotional moment.
"I couldn't share myself to the world, right?" Tuaolo says. "And it was crazy that those are memories you can't get back. Coming back, I was in the back of the bus. And guys were going off the bus, and they were hugging and they were kissing their wives and their girlfriends. And I'm walking past my partner, giving him the signal to meet me in the room. Not being able to express my feelings at the time, which was, I just wanted to cry. And I remember putting my fist through the wall because I was so upset and I was so angry that I had neglected him and then our relationship."
Post-retirement, Tuaolo came out in 2002 and feels the NFL is doing a good job with LBGTQIA+ issues better than when he started.
"The worst thing that you could do in the NFL back in those days wasn't sell drugs or domestic abuse, you beating up your wife or your girlfriend. It was about someone outing you or someone starting a rumor that you were gay. And it was sort of like, that was the worst thing," Tuaolo says.
In retirement, Tuaolo made a run on the Voice and founded the organization hateiswrong.org.
"I was bullied when I was a little kid. I was molested," Tuaolo says. "So I don't ever want anyone to have to feel like that anymore," Tuaolo says.
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